The Pledge (demo)

David Shringley, Untitled

I know… It’s been a little quiet over here. But I have a decent excuse! I’ve been writing; pretty obsessively actually. The next record is coming along, and I’ve been giving it almost all of my free time. I find that at this point in my life that focus requires extra discipline, so I’ve been off the socials. But today, (Labor Day lol…) I’ve decided to put my butt in the chair and share something with you. It’s a song that’s an adaptation of a poem by Philip Lopate.

This song is not going to be a part of the next album. But, I may make a few changes and use it later on for something else. For the time being I’m leaving it here with you. I found this poem in a book called “Bird By Bird” by Anne Lamott. I’ve got a habit of reading books about writing. It’s comforting to hear the stories from others out there who’ve dedicated their lives to trying to dream things up out of thin air. It makes me feel less alone when it gets tough.

I find writing on the one hand, pretty painful. But on the other it’s the most rewarding experience I know. When things begin to flow, it’s like having the energy of a raging river running through my chest. Time bends, and suddenly hours have passed. I’m starving, I usually stink really bad, and my fingers are trembling with excitement and over exhaustion… I love that feeling.

For me to access that state I’ll spend days or even weeks struggling, but never the less, trying every day. Sleepless nights are pretty normal during these periods. I’ll toss and turn with a melody or a lyric bouncing around the inner walls of my skull in half-awake dreams. It’s either that, or the voice of my self doubt that keeps me up. The voice takes on different forms. Sometimes it looks like my partner, my parents, sometimes it’s a younger version of myself, an older version of myself, sometimes it’s dressed up as my heroes or even my closest friends…

When I came across this poem titled: “We Who Are Your Closest Friends” I was totally floored by the way Philip Lopate turned that self doubting voice into material for a poem. Check this out:

we who are
your closest friends
feel the time
has come to tell you
that every Thursday
we have been meeting
as a group
to devise ways
to keep you
in perpetual uncertainty
frustration
discontent and
torture
by neither loving you
as much as you want
nor cutting you adrift

your analyst is
in on it
plus your boyfriend
and your ex-husband
and we have pledged
to disappoint you
as long as you need us

in announcing our
association
we realize we have
placed in your hands
a possible antidote
against uncertainty
indeed against ourselves
but since our Thursday nights
have brought us
to a community of purpose
rare in itself
with you as
the natural center
we feel hopeful you
will continue to make
unreasonable
demands for affection
if not as a consequence
of your
disastrous personality

then for the good of the collective

Another poet, the master Rainer Maria Rilke also has something to say about self doubt. In a collection of letters titled “Letters to a Young Poet” Rilke argues that self doubt can in fact be like a close friend, if you can train it properly.

“And your doubt can become a good quality if you train it. It must become knowing, it must become criticism. Ask it, whenever it wants to spoil something for you, why something is ugly, demand proofs from it, test it, and you will find it perhaps bewildered and embarrased, perhaps also protesting.”

Until next time I’ll be over here training my self doubt and writing what will eventually become LP2. Thanks for reading and thanks for listening…

- M